Five Little Reminders for You, on Valentine’s Day

A // W // F

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True story?

For almost a decade now, I’ve slept with my body curled tight against my husband’s.  I’ve woken to his heartbeat, and shared in his dreams. 

We have every reason to celebrate, but still:  I have some very mixed feelings about Valentine’s Day.

I don’t know why, but this year I’ve felt painfully aware of how the holiday pressures people into making commitments they’re not ready to make…   They say words that don’t feel right yet.   They buy rings they can’t afford, and make promises they’re not sure they want to keep. They make love that isn’t love at all … And that makes me sad.

If you’re reading this today and you’re feeling like a flower forced into bloom, I hope you’ll hear these words and take a little courage …

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Five Things We Already Know, But Keep Forgetting:

1) You don’t have to spend this evening with anybody … especially not with someone who makes you feel less important than you are. It is completely acceptable to spend Valentine’s Day with a special friend, a dear family member, or in the pleasure of your own company.

2) You don’t have to feel pressured to sleep with someone just because they bought you a fancy dinner … And you certainly shouldn’t feel pressured to say words you don’t mean just because somebody else said them to you first… Your body is yours to give or to keep. Your heart is, too.

3) If social media makes you feel badly today, please — please — just disconnect for awhile. Take a walk in the woods. Hug somebody who seems lonely. Read something, or create something, or reconnect with an old friend. All these are better ways to spend an hour than scrolling and feeling Less Than.

4) Whatever you do, I hope you *don’t* pop the question just because your partner expects it, or because it seems like The Thing To Do. There will time for genuine love, for champagne and celebration, commitments and congrats. But the well-paid advertising folks in the jewelry industry don’t have the right to push you into thinking that it has to happen today… or tomorrow, either.

5) Last but not least: you deserve so much more than to be somebody’s fallback option … and your partner deserves better, too. **Don’t settle.**

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Oh, friends: maybe it sounds sappy, but I believe that your Creator loves you dearly, and I’m saying a little prayer that you feel that love today…

You’re braver than you think and more beautiful than you know.  ❤  

57 Comments

        1. Absolutely. We spent a rare, quiet day in, cooking luxurious food, drinking wine, reading and talking as the snow fell outside … It was perfect. 🙂

          Glad to hear you were able to relax and have some “you” time. Hope you’re starting the day feeling refreshed. 🙂

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          1. Sounds absolutely perfect! My hubby’s returned tonight and we’re just about to sit down to dinner so it’s all good at this end, lots to catch up on over a couple of glasses of wine!

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  9. This is such beautiful advice! Though, I would say it wasn’t until I made all those mistakes and felt their consequences that I learned there is another way. There is so much wisdom and truth to your words.

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    1. Aw, L, thank you. I think we’ve *all* made at least one of these mistakes a time or two … But the experience makes us wiser, and hopefully more compassionate and loving.

      You strike me as someone very thoughtful and compassionate indeed … And I know those qualities usually come hard-won, and they’re therefore very precious. ❤

      Thank you, as always, for your kindness and encouragement. Keep spreading the sunshine! 🙂

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      1. Thank you so much for your kind words. It’s easier for me to be compassionate when I write. I struggle more to listen and to be present with my whole self during a conversation. Words and language make so much more sense to me on paper. Even relationships sometimes seem easier to articulate through literature and story.

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        1. I completely understand that.

          I love face-to-face conversation, but I have more time process and respond thoughtfully in writing, of course. So I do think that goes better. 🙂

          Maybe our writing is just training us both to be more compassionate people in spur-of-the-moment situations. I’d like to think so. 🙂

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      1. Haha! Thanks, Ashley! No worries. I follow about 500 of my favourite blogs so I know it’s hard to read all of them. Yours always keeps me coming back though. I always feel like “I wonder what Ashley’s up to.” Click, click, click…

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          1. Thank you, Ashley! I know there is a lot of us out there to choose from, so it means a lot that you take the time to read mine when you can! Fashion is fun and lighthearted (to me) so I try hard to keep it that way. I also hate the snobbiness of the fashion world, so it’s important to me to keep it real…real nice!

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  13. Hey Alpha Zulu. Couldn’t agree more. Don’t want to be a Valentine grinch, but there is too much behavioral pressure on that day. And why just that day?
    Regardless, I hope you had a pleasant 14th of February.
    Bravo Mike Oscar
    😉

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